Sometimes when I’m listening to Shark Week on the Discovery Channel the smart-sounding doods say that the Great White is the world’s most fearsome killing machine. I have irrefutable proof that this is not the case. Imagine, if you will, that you’re walking along the poopdeck minding your own business, when all of a sudden, you’re ambushed from the topsails by a NinjaPirateVikingRaptor. It first does a crazy backflip to show how incredibly awesome it is, then it ninja kicks you in the face after goring you with its viking helmet horns. After it’s done playing with you, it totally eats your face. How crazy is that?

Seen here is a rare photo of the NinjaPirateVikingRaptor in the wild: